It's funny to say that I'm singing again. It's not like ever quit or rather that I really ever started. At least for other people. I've been singing in the shower, singing in the car, singing lullabyes to my kids for years. I just haven't had the courage to sing in public for a long time. I sang at a ward talent show back in 1994, I did "The Song Remembers When." Sang at YSA family home evening. Then it wasn't until 2003 when my husband and I were moving from College Station, Texas to Florida that I sang again. I guess life and kids had gotten in the way. I purposely waited until a two weeks before we were moving to do it. I guess I didn't want any to be asked again or that I would be around for any bad reviews.
Now we've been living here in our ward since October 2003. We've had a series of ward talent shows every month for about a year now and I've finally gotten up the guts to try again. (It's hard to want to sing when your autistic son tells you to stop singing everytime you open your mouth.) In September, I got up the guts to tell Sis. Beckman, the sister in charge of the shows that I would like to perform. Her ears perked up because she is always looking for new people to perform. I tried to talk myself out of it but once she put me in the program it was too late to back out.
I was so nervous that night. Other than one karaoke song at a party, I hadn't sung in public for almost 4 years. I had decided to sing "On My Own" from Les Miserables. Of course, I pick one of the hardest songs imaginable. My friend, Lisa, played the piano for me. We practiced in the Priesthood classroom before and I didn't hit the note. The really high "preTENDING" note. I thought well, 'its now or never."
That night was so cool. People kept asking me what I was doing in the show and I told them that they would find out. When they called my name and saw Lisa walk over to the piano, they figured it out pretty quickly. The neatest thing about that moment, and I'm not saying this to show off or to strengthen my over the top ego, but it was just something I had never experienced before. I started to sing and all of sudden peoples heads started to turn to focus on me. It was weird. It should have made me more nervous, but it made me work harder to please them. And boy did I hit that note. When I got done with the song, it was nice to see people pleased. Sis. Beckman came over to me and told me that I had been hiding my "light."
That night was just the bump in self-esteem I needed. I even signed up to sing at the next show. That show took place on Saturday. I was nervous this time around, but not nearly as nervous as the last time around. I sang a lot more challenging song this time. I sang, "Amor Eterno" its a spanish love song about the love of a mother for her child, even after he's gone. I don't think it came out as well as the last time, but it helped me to feel more comfortable out there.
If you are brave enough, you can click on the link below.
I guess I'm doing an okay job. (Or they are really lacking in people, ha! ha!) I've been asked sing 3 more times for different Christmas festivities that are coming up. Wish me luck. Or hope and pray that everyone remembers their ear plugs.
Where has the time gone?